Recent Update #1

I haven't had the heart to write lately. Mostly I've been trying to keep my head above the proverbial water, and I've (mostly) succeeded. It's been an intersting switch, these last few weeks. Losing dad, moving cities, living with a parent again. To sound totally and completely cliche, I have good days and bad days. Scratch that. Good days and bad weeks. It seems that if something triggers something hard, it seems to carry over a few days. A dream about him, needing him to answer a question or deal with something that only a dad can deal with. And suddenly, I find myself snipping at everything and everyone. It's getting a tad ridiculous. For instance, this really happened the other day:

Me: "Ugh, I have to eat something with my meds so I don't get sick."
Mom: "Eat this, this or that." (Like yogurt or grapes or something.)
Me: "Blech."
Mom: "Well, try ***" (Another normally delicious option.)
Me: "Ugh, just stop. Stop. I'll just eat this semi-dry bagel thin."

Seriously? Remember the time that biting someone's head off when trying to help you is not kosher?? I feel bad about it but can't stop it while it's happening. I'm a monster!!

In all seriousness, most of the time I don't even know what the root cause is until later that day, evening, whatever I'm sitting there and I start bawling. Gosh, this grief stuff is hard going. Relying on Heavenly Father has helped, but it doesn't change the fact that as humans, we all grieve. It's hard, but it gets better.

Some of this may have to do with the fact that I have had a raging lunatic wreaking havoc on my ear canal for over a week now. What a JOY that has been. If this were the mid 90's, I would have to insert "NOT!" there. I miss the 90's.....

So a week ago Saturday, I was out shopping with my cute mom and my ear starts to hurt. Like ear infection hurt. Having grown up with those little beasts, I can typically recognize one. So I thought I would nip it in the earlobe and head over to the urgent care down the street. I thought maybe a couple antibiotics and an hour of my time would be fine. Well.........someone had other plans. After waiting about an hour to be seen (as is typical with urgent care, so no worries..) I am settled into my uber clinical cell, waiting for the practicioner. She comes in, gives me a once over, looks in my ear for a second, and tells me I absolutely do not have an ear infection. She thinks I just have some fluid in my ear behind the ear drum, "probably from swimming." I tell her I don't swim. She says from showering and tells me to buy some Mucinex, and, if it still hurts, here is a prescription for amoxycillin. After a lengthy discussion about taking antibiotics when I don't need them (I am against it, completely) she got frustrated and told me to fill it if I don't feel better after two days. I left feeling like I wasted my time, but thought I had an answer.

 I headed over to the local Walgreens to get my goods. Holy Hannahbell!! Mucinex is $15.99, AND I had to sign over my first born to Rumplestiltskin at the pharmacy to ensure him I would not make Meth with it. $30 later (what? I also had to buy nasal spray because the "doc" warned me that Mucinex was going to dry me up like a prehistoric lake. No shame in this game! Ok, and maybe I bought some treats to keep me company through this long and painful Saturday night. Don't judge.) But I thought I had my answer, so I was set. I promptly took my Mucinex, and watched Secondhand Lions for the bazillionth time. I love it. I just want to put that little Haley Joel Osment in my pocket, he's so stinkin' cute. 

Flash forward to Sunday. I wake up to a throb in my head that feels like millions of tiny gnomes have decided to celebrate Mardi Gras on my mastoid. I struggle through part of church and head home to get some rest with my newly acquired ear drops. By Monday, my cheek is super swollen. I call the clinic, and they tell me I need to come back right now. They are worried about the swelling because it isn't "normal". No kidding, Shirlock. So I talk to my team lead, tell her they want me back, and go to the clinic where I promptly wait not one, but two hours to be seen. Keep in mind this is my third visit. This time I saw the MD, not the PA, which I was grateful for. Yes, they are *almost* the same thing, except for some education...and residency....and experience. But an MD after a name puts me at ease. So after I give my account of what has happened thus far, she again tells me swelling isn't normal and looks in my ear. Then she tells me that I have an inner ear infection. Now, at this point, I am not aware that my ear canal is fully swollen shut. Yes, shut. So she tells me that I'm going to have to take different antibiotics, and that she needs to put a wick in my ear to keep my canal open and help absorb the ear drop antibiotics into my inner ear, where they need to be. She failed to tell me that it requires daily maintenance. However, she pats me on the back and sends me on my way with a prescription for Loritab and a different antibiotic. She could've sent me home with candy. All I heard was "Loritab" and I saw the sandman coming my way. All I could think was "Hallelujah, I'm gettin' some sleep tonight!!" All I wanted was this atrocious pain to go away so I could, you know, function.

However, Tuesday rolls around in all it's glory. I'm miserable. My face is now twice its size, and my ear is so swollen it no longer looks like an ear. Oh, the agony. I had now failed to sleep two nights in a row, and the Loritab was doing nothing. They might as well given me Smarties! But, I'm a trooper. I had to go back to the clinic yet again to get the devil wick removed. So, there we were. Me, the receptionist, and about 20 sick people hacking up a lung. Same routine, different day. Fourth visit in as many days, third copay. I was over it. Nothing new. When I told the PA that my face was lots bigger than it was yesterday, I was told to "deal with it" and let the antibiotics do their job. Deal with it? How about I sock you in the....nevermind. I just smiled sweetly. I made it home barely in time to start work. I managed to grit my teeth through a few student calls. I couldn't keep my voice steady through the pain, but I tried. I tried hard. I made it all the way until about 230 or so. That's when the pain hit its peak, and I had a karate movie moment. You know, the kind where there is a standstill and you know it's either going to be the bad guy or the kung fu master, but somebody ain't leaving alive. That was my moment. It was me, or the pain. Someone had to go, and I have stuff left to do in my life. That meant, Sayonara pain! Since the clinic obviously wasn't working, I decided to go to University Hospital ER. I called my mom in tears and told her I simply couldn't do it anymore. I felt bad bailing on work, but I could not make it. It simply wasn't going to happen. I was trying to wait for my bestie to come pick me up, but it was too intense. I hopped in Miss Vida and hit the road.

So, to wrap up a very long story...one CT scan, one dose of Morphine, several labs, an ENT specialist cleaning and six hours later I found myself with an answer. It was not, as had been claimed by the clinic, an Otitis Media, or inner ear infection. It was the devil mama of all ear infections, an outer ear infection. It had gone into my jaw bone a bit, but luckily had not yet moved into the Mastoid, which is where you really run into trouble. They asked me why I had not come sooner, it was serious enough that I needed help a lot quicker than I got it. I told them the clinic saga, and was met with groans.

So, after going to the doctor daily since Saturday March 3rd, I am nearly free and clear of this bad boy. I'm hoping tomorrow will end my daily specialist appointments, and that I can get back to normal life!

So that, my friends, is some drama for your mama.

"Cheap is great, Free is better."

Our family, and the world, lost one incredible man on January 29th, 2012.

My dad was full of life. I realize that people tend to say that when loved ones pass away, but it was especially true of my papi. Whether he was grumpy, happy, nervous, or giddy, you knew it because you could feel it. He had this aura around him that could change your mood in an instant, usually for the better (unless he was driving you insane). And while he definitely still exists, and is definitely still around, I will miss being able to talk to him for hours on end about anything that was bothering me. My dad and I are two peas in a pod, made from the same mold. He knew what I was thinking before I could articulate it, and he always knew what to say. And if you knew my dad, you know he would say it whether you wanted to hear it or not. He kicked my butt back on track numerous times, and told me what I needed to know whether I was ready or not. It wasn't always rosy, and we both have faults, but he always knew what to do. He could fix ANYTHING with his tools, and (usually) duct tape.

But the thing I will remember most about my dad is love. Simple, unconditional love. There was a time in my life when I was a hot mess. Seriously, a hot. mess. I drank a lot. I did crazy things. I broke my parents' hearts. I would disappear for days/weeks and not talk to my family. But eventually, I would come home to them. My dad would look like he was ready to drop kick me, but he always took me back with love. He always made sure that I knew, no matter what, that I was loved and that they were ready for me when I was. My parents never wrote me off, and never gave up. They just loved me the best way they could, and helped me remember my worth.

I think that, at times, my dad had a hard time recognizing his worth as a person, father, and child of God. He always thought he could do better, always apologized for not being this or that. He always strove to do his best for us, and always worked so hard to make sure we were taken care of. A couple of weeks ago, we were alone in his hospital room. Out of the blue he said, "I hope I've done good for you, I don't feel like I've done well for you lately." It broke my heart. I told him how the most important things in life are not material. How he gave my brother and I the most precious gifts when he taught us to live with grace, love and humor. He taught us to take care of ourselves and other people. He taught us to not take things too seriously, but to pay attention when needed. He taught us strength. He taught us how to love the Lord in our own way. And, the last six months or so especially, he taught me how to get through trials gracefully. He never complained in the hospital. Not once. He would never vocalize how he hated it, he would never say that he hated that he couldn't walk, he wouldn't utter a word about how hard it was to have nurses intruding all the time. In the ICU, when he was going through so much with multiple intrusive tests and daily dialysis, he would just say "Okay" when a nurse or doctor would tell us something else had to be done. They would tell him they were sorry, and he would say it was ok. I can't imagine the strength it took to take what he went through so gracefully. And finally, when his body could take no more, he said "Okay" for the last time.

Dad never thought he touched many lives. He never thought he really had an impact. In the week after his death, and especially during the viewing and funeral, hundreds of people came out of the woodwork to tell me about my dad. To tell me about the special moments, to tell me what influence he had on them and their lives. To tell me how much they loved him, to tell me stories of moments where he was a great man when he thought no one was looking. I found out during this time that when my dad was manager of a finance store, he would encounter older people who were attempting to get loans to pay for their medications. When he could no longer lend them money officially through the company, he would give them money out of his pocket to pay for their medications so they wouldn't have to go without. Mom only knew about some of these times, and I'm convinced that there were many more he did not tell her about. There were hundreds of moments in my dad's lifetime where he did things like this, moments where he would help someone just because. And he never understood the impact of these actions, never understood how many people loved him and were better people because of him and his guidance.

I guess the moral of his story is that we should never wait to tell someone what an impact they've had on our lives. Don't to tell someone that you appreciate them. Don't wait to express your love and gratitude to someone who has impacted your life. I'd rather be known as a mushy gushy girl than risk having someone think they are not worth anything because I never told them what they meant to me.

Most of all, don't ever forget that you matter to our Heavenly Father. Even if no one else in your life ever tells you that you matter to them, you must remember that you matter to Him. It's been said many, many times before, but the worth of souls is great in the eyes of God. I think I've quoted this before, but I adore this talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. It is called "You Matter to Him". He goes into more detail about our Heavenly Father's love for us, and how we must never forget. In this talk is a section I love love love. He says:

"[N]o matter where you live, no matter how humble your circumstances, how meager your employment, how limited your abilities, how ordinary your appearance, or how little your calling in the Church may appear to you, you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith....

God sees you not only as a mortal being on a small planet who lives for a brief season—He sees you as His child. He sees you as the being you are capable and designed to become. He wants you to know that you matter to Him."

(Read the full message here.)

 I bear my witness that He knows our names. He knows us personally, and knows the situation of all His children. He knows what you are going through and how hard it is. He does not measure you by the world's standard, he measures you by His. If you will let Him, the spirit will shisper this to you and confirm his love. If you let Him, He will work great things in your life, and, at times, miracles. If you let Him, He will surround your life in a love greater than you have ever known. If you let Him, He will show you that you matter to Him, no matter what. I testify that we all have a worth beyond our capacity to fully understand, and that we are all important, no matter our station on earth. He loves us, all of us. We are His children, and He will never, ever let us down. Heavenly Father keeps his promises, if we will allow him to work in our lives. These things I say, in Jesus' name, Amen.

Dennis Lee Lowe

Dennis Lee Lowe

1960 ~ 2012
Dennis Lee Lowe, born August 8, 1960 in Butte, Montana, lived a life full of humor, loyalty and hard work, but moved on January 29, 2012 to pursue other opportunities of a holier sort. He graduated from South High School in 1978 and soon thereafter began his studies at the University of Utah. While attending the U, he met his sweetheart of 32 years, Cindy, who, he said, saved him from himself and threw him onto the straight and narrow, where he remained a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The two were married in the Salt Lake Temple on June 19, 1982 and welcomed two wonderful children into the world. He was a dedicated father who cheered the loudest at anything and everything in which his children were involved. He loved his wife dearly and they both created a shining example after which their children can base their own marriages and future parenthood. He was a season-ticket holder to his beloved Utes and rarely let a day go by that he didn't jazz a BYU fan about having a lesser fate than his own.
He is survived by his wife, Cindy; his daughter, Christi; his son, Trenton (Emily); his brother, Terry (Kathy); his sister Candace (Jay) Rymniak; many brothers and sisters-in-law; and many nieces and nephews, whom he loved dearly. He is preceded in death by his father, Gene Francis Lowe; his mother, Shirley Goodall; and his sister, Cheryl Brown.
A viewing, in his honor, will be held Friday, Feb. 3, at Russon Brothers Bountiful Mortuary, 295 North Main, from 6 to 8 p.m. Funeral services will be held at the Bountiful 4th Ward chapel at 102 E. 1400 S., in Bountiful, Utah, on Saturday, Feb. 4, at 11 a.m., with a viewing prior to services from 9:45 a.m.-10:45 a.m. Online guest book at http://www.russonmortuary.com/.
In lieu of flowers donations can be made to any America First Credit Union in Dennis' name

Books of 2011

Thanks to Linda over at it all started with paint (a cute little blog I just started following...this could be an addiction!), I'm taking a quick moment to review the books I read in 2011. I don't know if this is a great idea, considering I can count the number of books (not counting textbooks) I read this past year on one hand. Yes, I said ONE hand. How embarrassing!! My little cheeks are red because I'm outing myself, but my goals in 2012 are much loftier. That counts, right? Anyhoo, I digress. The books I did read this year were killer, and I'm please that I made such great choices although they were few and far between.

Without further adieu, here are the books that caught my eye in 2011:

Wall of Fame by Jonathan Freedman

I LOVED this little book of delicious nerdcore! If you're not a teacher or interested in education, it may bore you to tears. I found this little beauty by accident at our local thrift store, and I couldn't put it down. The book chronicles the life of the AVID program, a program designed to take those children who were previously written off, yet bright, and help them prepare for college. It was such a beautiful story of hope, and it almost made me want to be a teacher. Key word: almost. Then I remembered teen attitudes and the fact that I would have to work so early in the morning and I nixed that plan real fast. Lightning quick, I tell you. If you love a good read and education, I would recommend it.

Life's Lessons Learned by Dallin H.Oaks                   

What a beauty this one was. Such a beacon of hope during a time in my life when I really, really needed it. There are so many amazing stories and lessons in this easy read. So easy, in fact, that I read it in one evening. It is one of those gems where it is so well written that you don't have a headache after reading it, yet it's so profound that you don't know what hit you. I don't like super churchy books. They most often make me want to pull my eyebrows out. Don't get me wrong, I love the gospel. I love reading my Scriptures. But I just don't do well with doctrinal books outside of the Scriptures. I think I liked this one so much because Elder Oaks has a similar writing style to that of President Gordon B. Hinckley, one of my personal favorites. Good read if you're looking for something uplifting but not heavy. 

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

I must say, I resisted this one for a long time. Long heralded as the best of the best, I was a little hesitant because of what I'd heard about the plot. Death? Kids out to kill each other? No thanks, amigo. I finally picked it up at my mom's. I was desperate for something to read, and this looked best amidst the other choices of spy novels that my dad loves so much. I must admit, I took way too long to read it. Well written, fast paced, and chock full of political commentary (without being overbearing) on the status quo, it was well worth my time. I haven't yet made it to the others in the trilogy, and am not sure I will see the movie, but the book was great! 

My Name is Asher Lev by Chaim Potok

This is an old favorite that I have to revisit every year. I just love it! I love the imagery, I love the confrontation, I love how dynamic the character relationships are. Read it. 

That's it, folks! I told you, one hand. I've got an incredibly long wish list for 2012, so I'll make it happen. Cross your fingers for me. And, if you're truly my friend, keep asking me if I'm reading!! I need the reminders! 

            

Sayonara, 2011!

Happy New Years Eve Eve!


Whew! Sayonara, 2011! We made it, some better than others. I'm pretty sure I'm leaving 2011 with barely a shred of energy. In some years past, I could've said that I could've done more, could've been more pleasant, could've cared more, could've this and could've that. But not 2011. Oh no, this puppy got my all. And boy, have I got the undereye luggage and dragging gait to prove it! However, I couldn't have asked for a better learning experience than the past 8 or so months. Did I murmur a bit? You betcha. I'm still working toward being that girl who is grateful for everything in the moment. I eventually get there. Like now. I'm grateful for all that has happened within my life the past year. But in a lot of instances, at the time I could've cut a face. There were times when I bawled and bawled in my little 13x13 bedroom, wondering when it would end and begging for mercy instead of being grateful for the experience. Honestly though, I couldn't have asked for better opportunities to love better, communicate better, work harder, and grow faster. I feel closer to my family than I ever have, and that includes my cute sister in law.  When she and my brother were married two years ago, I cried tears of grief. Seriously. Immature? Yes. But I always wanted a sister and I saw an opportunity in my brother's marriage, since my mom had adamantly said "NO!" too many times to count when I would ask for one. And so, when we didn't get along right away, I thought it would never happen. Also, the tears could've been because I was sick with the H1N1/Swine Flu and was bedridden for six days following the wedding. Again, seriously. My body has a knack for ruining special events. But, I digress. Now, two or so years later, I love that girl. She is awesome. We've had our issues and sometimes still do, but I couldn't have asked for a better person to be by my brothers side while going through all this. They are peaches and cream. I'm excited for our relationship to grow even more and see what comes in the future.

Naturally, since we are leaving 2011 and entering a new year, it is a time for reflection and goal setting/planning. I don't believe in resolutions. It is absurd to think that one can undo so many years of habit-making and learned behavior simply by thinking you'll "do it this year..finally!" through a resolution. Instead, I think we should focus on changing things a little at a time. I saw a link for the words below earlier today, and thought it fit in perfectly with what I was thinking.  Although I lived through somewhat of an emotional bootcamp this year with my dad's illness, a relationship ending, holding down two jobs and full time school, a flood, health scares, and beyond, there are still many things I can work on. And many things I can celebrate that I no longer do. Things like not believing in myself. I used to like to think that I knew I would step up to the plate when needed, but there was always a little seed of doubt in the back of my noggin' saying "maybe not..". But now I can say with a surety that I can, and will, step up to the plate. Sometimes you need to toot your own horn a little bit...so "TOOT TOOT"! In all seriousness though, I'm excited to say that my confidence has come back somewhat, and I'm thrilled. Somewhere along the way I lost it. Luckily, I put up posters and she has come back. Hardy har har.

So, my lovely friends and sometimes random readers (someone in Myanmar read my blog...I know no one in Myanmar. But that's amazing. Cue Kip in Napoleon Dynamite singing "I love Technology..."), I invite you to read the post inserted below and work on anything that you may be guilty of. Don't be a downer daisy when you can't do all of them at once. This is something to work on gradually to help us love ourselves more and make 2012 an amazing year!

<3 C

30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

 Article written by Marc at Marcandangel.com

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you likeeveryone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done .
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
CREDIT: Full article written by Marc at Marcandangel.com HERE
Photo by Rob Brucker

Knock it off.

Disclaimer: I'm in a mood. Not a bad mood per se, just a mood. If you continue reading, take it with a grain of salt. 


Most of this is tongue in cheek, meaning it has a humorous tilt but is stuff that really irks me sometimes. Again, I was browsing facebook today (why do I keep referencing that lately? Oh yeah, I'm addicted. Might be time for detox) and came across this hilarious pic:

Pretty sure this is the plight of most vegetarians/pescetarians who have carnivore friends. I've found myself in this exact position quite a few times. I don't eat meat, and I really, really like hummus. Therefore, I assume that everyone else likes hummus, most often incorrectly. Which brings me to my first point.

1. Don't make a big deal out of me being vegetarian. I'm not high maintenance in this respect. And rest assured that I really, really appreciate the dinner invite and the fact that you would care to ask what I would like. I think it's very considerate that you would want to make sure there is something available for me. But it gets on my last dang nerve when people insist on making it an issue and continue to ask "CAN you eat that?" or "Are you sure? I can make something else. I'm just not sure what vegetarians eat."  We eat what everyone else eats, sans meat. I have been a vegetarian/vegan/pescetarian for just over 10 years now, and I'm pretty solid in the knowledge of what I can/cannot/will eat. Also, I have a medical condition that forces me to avoid some foods and stick to others. I don't consider you a terrible host if you don't have a giant vegetarian buffet laid out with four different entrees. If you're not sure, ask before the night of the dinner, and I will give you some budget options. In fact, I will most likely just offer to bring a dish of my own to share with the group so that you aren't stressed trying to cater to the one person in the group who doesn't eat chicken/beef/pork or whatever. Besides, I'm really not that nice. If I don't want it, I won't eat it. But it doesn't need to be a meltdown. I just love spending time with people I enjoy. Let's leave it at that.

**If Char, Terri, Mom or Grandma reads this, it has nothing to do with what happened Friday night. That was hilarious!**

2. No, I'm not secretly dating my roommate. Stop asking. This hasn't come up for me so much recently, but it has been an issue in the past. However, she gets asked almost daily, and it irks me to the core. I have known this girl for nearly six years, and she is the closest thing to a sister this girl has. I do have an amazing sister in law, and we are working on our relationship and getting closer every day. But my roomie and I are like peanut butter and jelly. Yes, I am an active, temple going member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Yes, she identifies as lesbian. We lived together for a long time while I was away from the church, and have continued to live together as I have gone on my journey back to full fellowship within the LDS church. There is nothing funky going on. We respect each other and our boundaries. Yes, we disagree on some things pertaining to lifestyle, but we talked about it a long time ago and decided what we would and would not tolerate in our home. But she is also a person who is trying to live a Christ-centered life. We have set the perimeters for our frienship/relationship and our home, and have managed to create a home where the Spirit can dwell and guide our lives daily. We read scriptures together, have prayers, and regular discussions on our faith and attitudes toward religion and religous happenings. We spend a lot of time together because we are the best of best friends. We support each other, encourage each other, and give space when needed. I cook because she can't, and she kills spiders because I can't. That's it. Not that it's anyone's business, but I needed a vent. She is one of the best people I know. So when we say roommate, we mean just that. Maybe "housemate" would be better, because we have our own rooms. Regardless, there is no need to say "roommate?' or "rooooomate?" *eyebrow raise*. Get real, people. We are adult enough to hold ourselves accountable for our actions. If we were dating, we would say so. Get over it.

3. Aren't you sad that you're so old and not married? Nope. Girl, I am not old. 28 is not anywhere near old. I just had my quarter life crisis a couple years ago. I'm barely scraping the surface of this life of mine. I understand that eternal marriage and families are central to our Heavenly Father's plan and are definitely worthy goals. I don't turn down any opportunities presented to me and am actively involved in life and pursuing goals I feel are worthwhile. That being said, I am not going to stress about it. I have a strong testimony that our Heavenly Father knows us personally, and knows exactly what we are going through and also knows exactly how we are feeling. He also knows our missions in this life and what will best help us get there. When it is right, I will know. For now, I am focusing on learning things that will help me be a better wife and mother when the time comes. And believe me, it will come. Whether it is during my time on earth or later on, the time will come. All our knowledge comes with us when we pass on, and I want to be ready with all the knowledge I can so that I can stand in front of the judgement seat and say I did everything I could to be the best person I could. It does get hard being alone sometimes, but then I remember that I have important work to do and that, if nothing else, I matter to Him.

The Burning House

A week ago, I thought I was losing my best guy friend.

My dad is ill, very ill. And that Sunday in the ICU, it didn't feel like he would get a whole lot better. Mom was asked about life support preferences, the big ones. Did you know there are varying degrees of life support? I didn't, not until now. My brother and sister in law flew in from Tennessee. We prayed. We held dad's swollen hand, talking to him and hoping he heard our secrets. And we cried. I hit every stage of grief within that week, struggling between tense, gut-wrenching sadness and comfort in the stalwart knowledge that families can be together for ever. And it's not just a song, it is truth.

Fast forward a week and one day later. 8 days and many miracles later, I sat here at my desk checking facebook and feeling a whole lot better about things. We are not out of the woods, and he is still a very sick man. But maybe, just maybe, I can let this knot in my stomach go, even if just a little bit. A friend of mine posted something intriguing on facebook today, something that caught and kept my attention for a good portion of time. She introduced me to The Burning House, a blog with a collection of pictures of the items people would take if their house were burning and they had only minutes to condense their most important posessions to a small number of items they could carry in their arms. I found it so interesting to see the things that people would take. There were an infinite number of Macbooks and hipster sunglasses, lighters, sentimental stuffed animals of one breed or another, pets, family and other minutiae that we, as everyday people, find terribly important. It got me thinking about my minutiae, and what I would take. So I started to take stock.

I wasn't surprised to find that after some digging, most of my items relate to family, considering our current situation. Of course, my list now is vastly different than what it would have been had I done this five years ago. Ten years ago.

Here is my pic:

The List:

1. A blue sign painted for me by my brother. It reminds me that it is all worth it.
2. My 20 yr old scriptures and my scripture journal of inspiration and revelation.
3. A blue ceramic box made for me by my mom when I was just a little one. The inscription on the bottom reads "To my favorite little girl! Love, Mom Dec 1990"
4. A handcrafted wooden sign made by my dad in 2006. It reads "A good heart and good mind are a formidable combination. -N. Mandela"
5. Letters, a postcard, and a copy of The Book of Mormon with his testimony in it from my brother while on his mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
6. A mug I made in 7th grade. It's a duck, and reminds me that we are ever changing.
7. A picture of my dad and I, circa 1987.
8. My journal from Spain, because it reminds me where I've been in life. It was a gift from my parents.
9. My tin Strawberry Shortcake lunchbox filled with notes and pictures from my school days.
10. My copy of a women's healthcare parity bill I co-wrote for the 2002 General Session of the Utah State Legislature
11. My favorites from my postcard collection.

Everything else can be replaced, including my birth certificate and such. But these things, these things are irreplaceable. While collecting them, I realized something very important.

I've already been taking things from my own figurative "burning house", stockpiling them like a mad woman.

Except my burning house was not bricks and mortar, it was my perceived shortened relationship with my best guy friend. That house has felt like it's been burning for a long time through this illness, and just when I thought we were at the end of his mortal existence, I was taking what I could from our relationship to make sure I had nuggets of goodness to last me until I would see him again. I realized that I have been going over our memories in my head for a long time now. Memories of when I was a kid, his jokes, the time the two of us went to LA all by ourselves, acted like idiots on Hollywood Boulevard, the time he taught me how to gamble at the tables in Vegas at 19 and how he threatened me with my life if I told mom. How he used to sing to me every.single.night no matter how tired he was when I was little. The bracelet I have with his name on it. The hours he spent in the shop, insisting that I learn how to change my own brakes and belts because "independent girls need skills".

Fortunately, all of my most treasured items from this burning house are not tangible. The same goes for my feelings and thoughts about my mom and brother. We are a family built on what matters, not the things in life which can be lost or misplaced. We are a family who have experienced each other and our relationships in a way that will bond us forever, and for this I will forever be grateful.

Stuff doesn't matter. Turns out the guy was right.

What would you take??